It was more than her mind seemed to be able to bear. Filled up to overflowing, the last of that tenuous leash that bound her to anger seemed to snap and her whole body shuddered in onto itself. Hands cupped to opposite elbows she slowly began to rock back and forth. Eyes hidden beneath sweeping lashes, she couldn't seem to form words that would properly give a physical voice to all that seemed to rush into her, through her and around her. It was almost like being thrown into the cold swell of the ocean. To have seen so much, to have felt it all was like one great tumult that made her confused now. Head shaken, she couldn't form words and her mouth seemed to be filled with cotton to the point where nothing but stuttering seemed to come out.

Hugh heaved a breath drinking in deep, another then another to follow before he cupped his head into his hands, leaning down as if on the verge of being sick. What she didn't realize is how much it took out of him to do this by himself and bring her there. Mental exhaustion had gone to a crucial point and he needed to revitalize, he needed energy back that had been drained to near collapsing. Words were ragged as he could feel her reaction while remaining in that position like one drunk and couldn't lift their head nor focus their eyes when they went beyond a certain point. Except it was one that could be regained, which he was doing. "It is not about you. It is not about me. It is about us and our race as a whole and as individuals of that whole. We were the ones chosen by design in the ever working pattern of the universe to survive and survive again to continue our race. One that was honored as we are honored in turn." He hoped she understood the deeper meanings of these words. "You need to see, to feel, a past that was forgotten to you but as surely yours as everything else that happened afterwards." Silence came in a draw of breath as he slowly lifted his head again. Eyes of the deepest red brown lifted to meet hers if possible. To search.

Pulling herself from those memories was hard, and setting them into her mind as part of something that was now in the past and no longer possible was slightly harder. There had been so much sacrifice and so much gained. Who was she to be selfish, and seeing how much it took from Hugh, her heart jumped and her insides seemed to turn soft with concern. "Hugh ... " She moved then, to her knees so that she was in essence kneeling before him while he held his head in his own hands. "I do not know what to say, and I am overwhelmed." Her words, the carefully modulated tone of them was laced with something she herself didn't understand. It was a feminine softness that she hadn't up until now been familiar with. It was tentative, that touch of fingertips to his forearm. "Forgive me, that I cannot fully understand it all at once as you would have me. I will need ... time, to understand." Earth colored eyes remained soft if only because with this new sense of self she was unsure where or how to proceed. It would only take more time, now that her eyes were now fully open to the history of her past, yet she could see how much it cost Hugh and that, hurt in a way.

 He had cared for her two life times ago or how it felt. He had to accept when the new world emerged he was to let it go. It was easier then for they were all a part. All as One. He had the memories but they didn't hold the impact they held once they came to this parallel universe that was like it once was for them. It was why he had gone to the cabin so often and for long periods of time for then he didn't have look upon her, remembering as it had been so long ago. He realized now the burden was lifted for now she knew too and it could be accepted as was and as is. "I am sorry for the pain, Ana, I am sorry for the pain long ago that was as dust in the wind until that wind came around again carrying it home. Perhaps I can now live with it knowing you at least knew we shared something special and the fuller meaning so you can too accept what was and what is. It is possible the subconscious plagued for you to be truly whole until things were face you had no clue to before." Hands had moved to cup the sides of her head, thumbs brushing against her cheek in a slow comforting motion. "It will take time. There is much and more now that you will remember of your own, things I cannot give you but shared that which we shared. I think it was important even if you feel disoriented. Do you wish time by yourself now?" Thumbs stilling as he waited her reply. There was that shared caring still even with the other. "It is said there will be pain before one can truly heal."

"Hugh, it hurts even knowing that it is in the past." Could time really heal that open wound that although was no longer bloody and seeping, it was healing and stole her breath from the moment his thumbs brushed her cheeks. "It will take time as you say, and I am hopeful that with this open to me now I will remember other things of my life in the past and perhaps regain what footing I am of the person I was, and who I am now." More than anything she wished to find more of herself, to try and piece together just who she was and how she fit into this strange, new, if parallel world. Her eyes were stung with emotion, no tears and although they welled in them, they did not spill over.  She held them back, blinking thickly fringed lashes to stay her vision from blurring. "Do not leave me, please. Stay with me, just for a little while?" She didn't want to be alone, didn't want to face those memories by herself when everything was still so new and confusing.

 His eyes had watered, it was why they took on the quality of liquid fire, molten lava. He felt her pain, knew her pain for it had been his for a long while. It took time once they came here. The burden of which he had carried alone. If he could help by just being here for her, it would make it all right somehow. Balance it out. He leaned in as lips touched her forehead then each eye to kiss away those tears that threatened. He adjusted in his seat while easing her up to sit on his lap and cradled her there in his arms if she allowed him. No words were needed, for he drew back upon that sharing and she knew he would not leave her alone and that past life long ago, he had not purposely abandoned her then either. It made a difference. She would accept then build upon a past that gave her footing and in turn, direction. This was what she had needed. Eyes closed as he leaned his head against hers while just holding her.

Even the quiet of his mind seemed to help her move from confusion to tranquility. With each embrace, he eased the tension that seemed to have sank into her muscles and she went like a child into his arms, holding fast to the physical purchase he provided, while at the same time that calm, deep mind of his offered her an oasis that she could stand within while all around her, her world was in an upheaval. This closeness was needed, and she sighed if not for just that mental closeness, but the familiar scent that calmed the feral nature that had before now continued to plague her with an overwhelming sense of anger.  "I feel ... felt as if I had been left by you without word because I had done something to deserve it. My heart ... hurt." She could barely describe the painful fissure that seemed to lay itself deep into her heart then, nor how his sacrifice had affected her. That he had given up so much, and all for the others made her eyes sting again, and childishly she sniffled while wiping the back of her hand against them. Drawing it away wet, she licked the salt from her own skin and found that both the newness of the emotion and the that of the past made her laugh as she realized what she had just done.

 A single tear of his fell onto her hand just before she licked it, mingling with hers. He felt for her, and showing her the past meant opening up a wound that had been covered over even if not healed. Maybe it could now. "It is said, and written in stories, how a heart wounded is worse than a thousand physical deaths. The heart of the poet cries out for that pain suffered by so many even when, it had not been as you thought. As strange as it seems, there is a beauty in such raw emotions that bring you to heights, be they of pain or ecstasy that otherwise cannot be to keep an emotional balance. Philosophers through the centuries debated which is better, to feel which means  pain too or not to feel and live in a protected bubble but never really experiencing anything fully." One hand had  lifted to brush back her hair and even a trace of his fingertip along the shell of her ear. A tender touch and one meant to comfort.

 The surface of the skin on the back of her hand glistened, the mingled tears leaving their salt there as she listened. "I was without knowing the why of them, the how and now that I am overcome with them I feel as if there might never be a balance for me. Hugh, how could you see me all these days and know what it was we shared without hurting so deeply?" That she knew what that hurt could mean now was pulling more and more from her heart than she thought could be possible for a person to feel. "Leave heartache to the poets, at least those who have some sort of talent for putting emotion to words. For I am no poet." Even with all these emotions, nothing seemed to dull the fierceness that seemed to remain leashed just beneath the surface of her mind. It paced, straining now and again against the tether that kept it in check and it was perhaps in that moment that she understood that no matter how civil no matter how much of her emotions she understood there would always be that link to something far more primitive, something far more earthly.  "It will take time ... I need time." She could not remain in his arms without the past being dredged up in a sweet, painful way. Easing herself from the shelter of his arms she paced away slowly as if trying to sort through that which was then, and that which was now. It would indeed take time. "A walk is perhaps the best thing I might do now, in order to settle my mind and body." That she physically felt now would be something else to consider all together.

 He listened and more, he felt. He felt her struggle and her anguish. There was something more that had nothing to do with him or the past she was now privy to. One she could use to help balance it all. He stood to his full height as concern drew the dip of his brow. Eyes blazed as he tried to see deeper. "There is more that is personally yours to discover. I am, in the least and always, your friend, Ana." His pain in it, he dealt with how he could and most was by putting it in the proper  perspective without diminishing anything beautiful that had been to taint it into something else for not being allowed. This was what he discovered. "I feel you need what is called, self discovery. I am going to suggest you spend time at a cabin, you can use the one I used to come closer to nature. To understand the pattern of this  world we now live in. In understanding I was able to adjust. I have done the best I can but it may be more that you need. I will suggest that if this step in self discovery still is not the answer that one of the Druids be sought out. I wish for you to be  whole." He didn't come near her again after she moved away from him, instead he moved to the door and with a pass of his hand it slid open silently to the world waiting for them just beyond its threshold.

 "Hugh ..." Her voice was softened by emotion, and when she turned to look over her shoulder there was something that flickered there briefly in her eyes. "Thank you, for everything you did for me ... everything you were to me." She could not yet look too deeply into that past, it hurt and knowing that he felt her hurt only made her want to shudder further into some protective shell to keep it from him. "I will attempt this, self discovery as you suggest and as you say, this should help." She just needed some time, and some space away from the endless chatter and the endless questing of other minds.  It would be a road that wasn't completely smooth, but was that not the point of this journey?

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